When your trust in your spouse is shattered because of another woman, what do you do?

A very good friend of mine – let me call her Shirley – told me that the day she found out that her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with a colleague, was the worst day of her life, “I’ve had other shocks,” she told me soberly. “My younger brother dropped dead of a heart attack one day – when he was just 29. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer when she had had absolutely no symptoms. And I came to work one day and found a pink dismissal slip on my desk when I had been given the Employee of the Year award, just 6 months earlier. But this was the worst shock.

“The other happenings caused me great torment, but I could blame them on fate. After all, health isn’t in our hands and our company was doing very badly at that time. But my husband’s affair was a personal betrayal. It was a rejection of me at the most personal level.” The photographs sent by a “friend who cares for you” had been a bolt from the blue because Shirley’s hubby, Paul, had been – or had seemed to have been – as caring and affectionate as ever, at the time.

But in Cathy’s case, she had suspected that something was wrong for some time, before she caught her husband David in a movie hall – with the daughter of a family friend when he should have been at office.

“David had been distant and indifferent for some time. Besides, I knew that he had been involved with this girl before she migrated to New Zealand and that she had come back after her marriage broke up. But perhaps I remained in denial because I can’t describe how shocked and broken I felt when I saw him with her.” For both Shirley and Cathy, the traumatic discovery brought anguish and stress. “The stress was because I not only had to deal with the betrayal of my husband being intimate with another woman, but I also had to maintain a facade of normalcy – for the sake of the kids and the rest of the family,” explained Shirley. Read More→

Common persistent barriers are identified that create havoc for a couple recovering from an extramarital affair and marital infidelity.

Your relationship has suffered a deep wound. Both of you have a level of commitment to “make it work.” The OP is out of the picture – a least to a large degree.  You know there is a crisis. You know you must “get at” the problem. Now is the time. If you don’t address the crisis NOW, in some way, you know the chances for having a vibrant rich relationship are spiraling downward.  Efforts to “makeover” your relationship demand a fair degree of feeling safe with one another. Often this is not the case.

Barriers to safety need attention before any “makeover,” resolution or joint decision making can occur. Often you are not aware of the specifics of the barriers. Or, you have a difficult time addressing them.  The barriers or walls sit in the background casting their debilitating shadows.  Your intentions may be pure. But, once you face each other, the barriers quickly squelch the hope for any positive outcome. In reality you think, “Here we go again. The same-o-same-o.” You feel defeated. Read More→

‘Why do men cheat?’, a question that has been raised since generations and still, the answer is infinite and indefinite. The reasons are vague and the causes are many, but it is always the woman who is affected. Read on to find out a few of those answers.

Some men cheat intentionally, while some do it due to wrong influences or overwhelming feelings. The reasons for the causes are varied and differ from man to man. Infidelity has become a torture for the women who want their men to belong solely to them. The worst part about unfaithfulness is that, you may never know the reason for it and even if you find out, many times they are unacceptable.

The most difficult thing about this issue is, to find out whether your man is cheating you or not. In fact, it is observed that most men who cheat and do not want to get caught, keep their wives very happy and do not give her a chance to complain. But of course, this may not be true for all men; so ladies please do not start doubting your husband or boyfriend just on this one basis. Also, sometimes women tend to take a simple relationship of friendship of the man with any of his female friend, in a wrong sense.

There are several reasons for why do men cheat on women. But many surveys have found out that the main reason for infidelity in case of men is sex. Whatever may be the cause for unsatisfactoriness, men try to comfort themselves by indulging in sexual activities.

Basically, there are different types of infidelities that are seen and they vary with respect to the time factor. The shortest type is the famous ‘one-night stands/caps’. These last only for a single night and does not include any emotional ties. A level higher than this are the extramarital affairs, wherein the cheating man continues to be with his wife and has a mistress outside. In this case, the husbands try to hide the external relationship from his family. He may or may not get emotionally involved in the outside affair. If the involvement is limited then he may leave the mistress rather than giving up his family. However, if the involvement outside is greater, he may separate from the family which is the worst type of infidelity. Read More→