Archive for February, 2010
If you and your partner are looking for something to spice up your sex life, you may want to consider pleasing your partner with a strap on. In this alternative to traditional anal sex, a woman will wear a strap on dildo and please her partner anally, focusing on stimulating the prostate gland. Some men, however, are adverse to this idea – here’s how to find out if you can please your man with a strap on.
Introducing The Idea
Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.
Getting Him Warmed Up
Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!
Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play
- Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
- Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
- Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
- Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
- Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
- Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
- Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.
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Tiger Woods’ recent apology could go a long way toward repairing his image, but much more importantly it could help to repair his marriage – IF he meant what he said and follows through with his commitments. In his speech, he admitted to his infidelities (of course), acknowledged that he didn’t deserve special treatment, implored the media to keep his family out of it, and said that he and Elin would be having many deep, difficult conversations that would stay between them. Although most of us will never experience a fall as public as Tiger’s, there are pieces of his speech that can apply to just about anyone when it comes to relational difficulty.
How Tiger’s Apology Can Help Every Relationship
- Don’t think that you’re above the rules. One of the things that Tiger pointed out was because of his position and fame, he felt that he was entitled to all the perks and opportunities that came along with his role. Unfortunately, when it all came crashing down he realized he would have to deal with the fall-out just like everyone else. People engaging in affairs tend to make similar excuses no matter what their position in life – they come to believe they’re justified or entitled to make the decisions they’re making. But when the truth is discovered, most everyone ends up in the same place, picking up the pieces.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help – from friends or a higher power. In the course of his apology, Tiger referenced the support he’d received from friends as well as his need to get back to the Buddhist teachings of his childhood. When we’ve made mistakes – whether they’re of a sexual nature or not – that affects the people around us and we’re trying to pick up the pieces, we need a support system. Thinking we can do it alone through our own power will only lead to further mistakes.
- Don’t let the outside in. Conversely, there are certain things that need to be kept between the people most affected. As Tiger implored the media to leave Elin out of it, so people who are in a difficult situation need – even more than normal – to engage in what I call Smart Heart Dialogue, which I mention in my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up. This type of communication creates a safe space where the truth can be spoken without fear of judgment or repercussion and where each person has a place to voice their concerns and fears. Creating an environment like this doesn’t happen over night and it certainly doesn’t happen if the people involved are worried that their confessions will be broadcast.
- Don’t be opposed to putting your life on hold. Serious mistakes need to be taken seriously. And this may mean taking time out to get professional counseling, enter a treatment program or take time apart to sort things out. Don’t think that everything can be business as usual and eventually the details will fall into place. Relationships that have fallen on hard times need even more nurturing, but they CAN grow and move beyond a painful, upsetting phase.
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When it comes to losing your virginity or even taking someone else’s virginity, there are often more questions than there are answers. Many teens and young adults want to know how bad it hurts the first time, if you can catch STD’s if you’re both virgins or if you “pop” a girl’s cherry, how bad it will bleed, if at all. Here’s what you want to know about bleeding after the first time.
Question: My question concerns popping a girl’s cherry. I’m sure you guys have heard that when a girl has sex for the first time she will bleed from her vagina. Is this true or false, and if it is true is it like a period in the sense that it can be a heavy flow or a light flow, or is the bleeding minimal?
–YouTube Viewer
Click here to view the embedded video.
Bleeding After The First Time
When a girl loses her virginity, it may be painful or uncomfortable, and she may even bleed a little that night and the next day. This is separate from a girl’s period, and is not normally as heavy as a period. When a girl bleeds after the first time, it’s usually a brighter red, while a menstrual flow tends to be a little darker. After losing her virginity, she may bleed a little or bleed off and on for about a day, but a lot of blood – such as enough blood to need to wear a tampon or heavy pad – may mean she needs to see a doctor.
What Causes It To Bleed?
Girls are built with a thin membrane of tissue just inside the vagina that covers part of the vaginal opening. Most of the time, a hymen does not completely cover the vaginal opening, rather, it is shaped more like a half moon, leaving the top of the vaginal opening uncovered to allow a woman’s menstrual flow to come through. However, some hymens can completely cover the vaginal opening, and some only leave a small hole. A septate hymen actually forms in the middle of the vagina, allowing for two openings on either side of the hymen. Uncommon types of hymens can make it difficult for a woman to insert or remove a tampon, and may even prevent her menstrual flow. When a woman loses her virginity, the hymen will break, sometimes causing pain or discomfort for the woman, and sometimes bleeding.
If She Doesn’t Bleed, Does That Mean She’s Not A Virgin?
Hymens can be broken through normal activities, such as sports, horseback riding and inserting and removing a tampon. If your partner doesn’t bleed even though it’s the first time she’s had sex, it does not mean that she’s had sex before and she’s not a virgin. It simply means that her hymen may have broken earlier in her life, or that her hymen just didn’t bleed much if at all when it was broken during sex. Losing your hymen doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your virginity either – you can only lose your virginity the first time you have sex, hymen or no hymen.
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Asking a girl out is intimidating, but it can be even scarier if your crush thinks you’re gay! Did you do something to make her think that you’re gay? If you did, how can you reverse it? Is she just not interested in you, or does she really think you’re into guys instead of girls? How can you ask her out and prove to her that you’re not gay?
Question: I need help because I like this girl, so I asked my friends how to approach her about going out and they told me to just go up to her and be nice. I did exactly that but I think I must have been too nice and friendly because now she thinks I’m gay. How do I prove that I’m not to her and show her how I feel?
–YouTube Viewer
Click here to view the embedded video.
How She’s Using The Term “Gay”
While most people are beginning to realize that using the word “gay” as slander – like using the word “retarded” as slander – is just not appropriate, some people still loosely use the term “gay” in conversation and it has nothing to do with sexuality. Many people still use the word “gay” like they might use the word “lame” or “uncool,” in regular conversation. If your crush said that she thinks you’re Sex With a Strap On Make Me Gay? (Video)” href=”http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/sex-tips-advice/does-liking-anal-sex-with-a-strap-on-make-me-gay-video/”>gay, can you be sure that she meant homosexual? She may not have. Consider the possibility that she’s just not into you and used the term “gay” as slander.
Making A Choice
In this situation, you have a decision to make. You can either ask her out or let it go. If you let it go, you’ll never know what she really meant. But by letting it go, you can avoid any further hurt feelings. You can also choose to simply ask her out. It’s entirely possible that she’ll say no – whether she truly believes you’re homosexual or just thinks you’re lame – but you’ll never know for sure unless you ask her out. She may really believe that you are gay, and may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you aren’t. However, if she turns you down for whatever reason, it’s ok. Continue dating and move on to the next girl that catches your eye and do your best to make a good impression on her. Regardless of the possible outcome and how much each one may intimidate you, it’s important not to sit on making a decision and never choose to either ask her out or let it go. Waiting too long to make a decision because you’re too scared to choose isn’t going to get you anywhere!
Making The Best Impression
When you want to make the best impression on a girl, it’s important to be yourself and let your true personality shine through. Not everyone may like it, and some people might think you’re gay, straight, bisexual or make some other assumption about you, you will feel much better in the long run if you’ve stayed true to yourself. You’ll also end up finding a partner who is into the real y0u, and not somebody you’re pretending to be!
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- Medications and Orgasm – Help! My Wife Thinks She’s the Reason I Can’t Orgasm (Video)
- Q&A: Will It Be Me Or Her Ex? (Video)
- What Does Abstinence Mean To You? (Video)
- What Should I Do if My Family Doesn’t Approve of My Lover? (Video)
- What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened? (Video)
While many couples decide together to use condoms during sex, some couples don’t agree on condom use. Your partner may not be advocating for the use of a condom, or he may actually be downright against it! Some guys don’t like the way sex feels with a condom on, but is that a good reason to make sex less safe and risk pregnancy or STD’s? Here’s what to do if your guy doesn’t want to wrap up.
Question: Thanks to you guys, I used a condom my first time. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to use one any more, but I think we NEED to use one. How should I tell him we need to use a condom without weirding him out? Please help!
–YouTube Viewer
Click here to view the embedded video.
Your Body, Your Choice
It’s up to you to protect your own body – no one else is going to protect it for you. While you want to please your partner and give him the best sex possible, neglecting your own needs and wants – especially when it comes to protecting yourself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases – isn’t going to do either you or your partner any good. Instant gratification isn’t worth the possible consequences in this situation. While the sex may feel better now without a condom, you’re going to regret your decisions if you end up with an STD or end up becoming pregnant. It’s your choice if you want to have sex without a condom or not, despite what your partner says. If you want him to wear a condom, make it a stipulation that he wear one if he wants to have sex with you. If he doesn’t want to wear a condom at all, let him know that you’re making the decision not to have sex with him unprotected - period. No glove, no love.
Female Condoms
Female condoms are now available and are as effective at reducing the risk of pregnancy and STD’s as traditional male condoms. A female condom is made from polyurethane – not latex – and isn’t as stretchy or pliable. A female condom has a ring on one end covered in polyurethane, and a hollow tube of polyurethane connecting to a larger, more flexible ring with an opening. The smaller ring is inserted into the vagina against the cervix, while the outer ring stays outside the vagina and folds over the labia. During sex, a man’s penis nor his ejaculate can come into contact with the woman’s vagina, as the ring and tube of polyurethane protects the cervix as well as the walls of the vagina. If your partner refuses to wear a male condom, consider placing a female condom inside you before sex. Female condoms are a great way to take your protection into your own hands, and allows you to protect yourself on your own without involving anyone else in the decision.
Other Ways To Protect Yourself
You can also protect yourself with oral birth control, various forms of spermicide including gel, foam and films, or visiting your doctor to be fit with a diaphragm or a cervical cap. All of these methods of birth control are things you can do on your own to protect your body from the risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately, the only ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases is to use a male or female condom.
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A lot of guys are worried about penis size. Is it too big, is it too small? What do women really like? Each woman prefers something different sexually – some women like it big, others like it smaller, some women like it thick and others don’t. It’s hard to say what women as a whole prefer when it comes to a guy’s penis, because women’s tastes vary so much. That said, it’s time to learn to work with what you’ve got! Here’s how you can make the most of your penis size in bed.
Question: Do girls care if a guy has a huge penis? i have an 11 inch penis but Im not sure if girls want a penis that big?
–YouTube Viewer
Click here to view the embedded video.
Her Size Matters Too
When it comes to sex, it’s not only the size of a man’s penis that matters, the size of her vagina matters too. If she’s extremely small down there, even a medium sized penis can cause discomfort and pain. If she’s built bigger and her g-spot is located very deep inside her vaginal canal, even a medium to large sized penis isn’t going to give her the satisfaction she wants without some effort and creativity. Finding the right fit sexually means finding a partner whose vagina – and sexual tastes – are compatible with your penis size, whether you’re very large or somewhat smaller.
Communication Is Key
Being able to talk to your partner about what she likes sexually and what she doesn’t – as well as what you like and don’t like – is important no matter what size your penis is. When you first begin having sex with a partner, it’s important to know whether it is working sexually with them or not. If it’s not working for her, she needs to be able to communicate that with you so you and her can find ways to become sexually compatible by adjusting your technique and her techniques – or you may just want to go your seperate ways and find partners that are more suitable to each of your sexual tastes and genital shapes and sizes.
Tips To Help You Make The Most Of Your Penis Size
If you have a very large penis and your partner is smaller, try avoiding putting your penis in her vagina all the way. Avoid positions that allow for very deep penetration, as this may be very uncomfortable or painful for her. Remember to allow your partner lots of foreplay and warmup time so her vaginal muscles relax and become more accomodative for a penis, and remember to use lots of water based or silicone based lubricant. If you feel like your penis is to small for your partner, consider using a condom with an extender or a sex toy with an extender. These additions can give your partner the satisfaction she needs while also continuing to provide you with sexual pleasure as well. Try positions that allow you to penetrate your partner more deeply, such as doggy style or woman on top, where she can be in control. Ask your partner for suggestions on how you can make sex more satisfying for both you and her!
Finding something on your penis that you didn’t expect to see there – such as bumps or discharge – can be terrifying. Is it a sexually transmitted disease? What if you’ve never had sex before? What do you do next? It’s impossible to know exactly what is going on with your body until you see your doctor. Your doctor can help diagnose and treat whatever the problem is, so you can get back to living a healthy, happy life.
Questions:
1.What are those bumps on the tip of my penis?
2. I have a friend who tells me about having odd small white spots on his penis, he says he hasn’t had sex before and hes worried if somehow he got a sexually transmitted disease. He is also scared to go to the doctor, do you know what it could be and is it serious?
–YouTube Viewers
Click here to view the embedded video.
What Causes Bumps On The Penis?
There can be several causes for white or red bumps anywhere on the penis. The first thing that comes to mind is a sexually transmitted disease and yes, certain types of STD’s can be responsible for bumps on the penis and in the groin area. Herpes generally causes small, red, pus filled bumps, while genital warts appear more cauliflower like. A single red spot that goes away after a few days can even be a symptom of syphilis. Other causes for bumps on the penis are clogged pores, razor burn or ingrown hairs. These can all cause small red or white bumps and can be the result of recently shaving your penis or genitals, or using cream or lotion that you’ve had a reaction to. Unfortunately, there really is no way to tell sexually transmitted diseases that cause bumps on the penis apart from bumps caused by shaving or ingrown hairs without a doctor’s expertise.
Seeing Your Doctor
Seeing your doctor about your penis can be uncomfortable, but never count your doctor out just because you’re embarrassed. There really is no reason to be – your doctor has gone to school for years to study medicine and to learn to treat patients with various conditions and diseases. There really isn’t anything that your doctor hasn’t seen before, or heard about before. Your doctor is not going to criticize you or look at you like you have a monster growing out of your head just because you have bumps on your penis. Your doctor may take a swab sample from your penis or a blood sample, and they may ask you questions about your sex life and possible exposure to sexually transmitted diseases. These are all important questions that can help lead to a diagnosis in addition to physical tests, and it’s important that you answer all questions completely honestly.
Finding A Doctor That You’re Comfortable With
If you’re truly not comfortable with your current doctor, find a new one. It’s important for every person to have a regular doctor, especially if you’re sexually active. Yearly exams are important and if you’re sexually active with multiple partners, regular STD testing is a must. It’s worth it to put some effort into finding a doctor that you are compatible and comfortable with for your medical needs now and in the future.
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News broke this week that John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth are splitting up, which actually happens in the majority of adultery cases (65%). And since this is such an extreme case, it’s easy to see how – if they weren’t receiving the proper counseling or commitment – this could have happened.
Prior to John Edwards accepting paternity of the daughter he fathered with a woman working on his campaign, his aide had accepted responsibility for this child. On the eve of his aide, Andrew Young, releasing a tell-all memoir (which he’ll be discussing this week on 20/20) that was set to reveal Edwards as the real father – among other admissions and accusations we’ll likely just have to wait to find out about – Edwards himself finally made his guilty admission: that in addition to having an affair he copped to last year, he had also fathered a child.
Denials Give Way To Emotional Issues
These denials, cover-ups, subsequent admissions, more lies and cover-ups and more admissions indicate is likely trying to work through some severely emotional problems. Of course, all affairs and lies are wrong, upsetting and emotionally draining, but it’s likely to get blown out of proportion into an even wider scope when the cycle of stress, lies and affairs is perpetuated by someone in the spotlight - and when more and more drama is piled on as the lies compound.
I think it’s time that we as a society began to look at adultery for what it truly is: an addiction. Just like no other addiction should be excused or justified, so must we demand restitution for infidelity. But looking at it as an addiction or “affair disease” will also help us understand and treat the problem.
We need to stop glamorizing adultery, or – alternatively – bastardizing it. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name). Politicians have high burn out rate and they’re looking to alleviate the pressure and stress – what I call the biochemical craving for connection. This can easily become a self-enforcing cycle: politicians and others of us under a lot of stress are looking for a release from this constant pressure. An illicit affair provides the biochemical connection we’re craving, along with that high and thrill of a new romance. But keeping up the charade only causes more pressure, and so the cycle perpetuates itself.
What Causes Adultery
Adultery can be triggered by feelings of stress, separation and loss. Here again, these are all things Edwards has experienced and – because of his role in the public eye – experienced at an intense degree. The stress of his job not to mention the stress of attempting to run a presidential campaign. The fear of separation from his wife as she battled cancer. The loss of a child he fathered with Elizabeth. This things have all likely played out to their conclusion, resulting in the affair and subsequent attempted cover-up.
One of the things we can learn from the fall from grace is that we need to learn to articulate what we’re feeling before it’s too late. It’s likely that Edwards subconsciously couldn’t handle the idea of losing the election or losing his wife or losing his son – and so he sought a way to cancel out that fear and loss by deciding to cheat. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. Don’t make the mistake of acting and not talking – it’s impossible to take back such a decision.
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Just about every guy likes watching porn – and most women don’t like it. But what if you watched porn with your partner? Could watching porn with your man make your sex life better? Absolutely – and you might learn a thing or two. Next time you’re at the video store, rent a naughty flick or purchase one online. Set aside a night one week that you and your partner can watch the movie together – just leave plenty of time for afterwards too!
What Not To Do When Watching Porn With Your Partner
- Don’t ask your partner to pick out what he likes. You might not like the answer. Instead, choose a flick that you and he agree on and has elements that turn you both on.
- Don’t ask him to compare the woman in the movie to you in either looks or technique. This is a common mistake that many women make when watching porn with their partner, but it can be disastrous. Your partner doesn’t know the right answer to this – because no answer is a good answer.
- Don’t compare any men in the video to your man – at all - especially if you’re commenting on penis size.
- Don’t try to use porn to solve emotional or sexual problems in your relationship. If you and your partner aren’t both confident and open with each other, it will likely make any underlying issues you have worse.
- Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’re uncomfortable with something. If a certain movie or technique makes you uncomfortable – especially if he wants you to try it – let your partner know that it’s just not something that you’re comfortable with. Don’t be critical or judge him because it’s something that turns him on – simply suggest something else that you would both like.
What You Should Do When You Watch Porn With Your Partner
- Keep an open mind!
- Try watching amateur porn if you’re uncomfortable with pornography actors.
- Try making your own porn with your camcorder and watching it instead of traditional pornography. This can be a great learning experience too, because it allows both you and your partner to see your sexual techniques from a different point of view and can give you new ideas on how to improve your sexual skills.
- Watch the movie naked with your partner – it will be easier to allow the video to transition smoothly into sex with your partner.
- Have a “porn night.” Once a week or once a month, have a night that is completely dedicated to watching porn with your partner and incorporating new moves into your sexual routine.
- Try watching different styles of porn to keep things from getting boring.
- Have a few toys and some lube handy while watching the sexy flick. You’ll never know what you’ll be inspired to do!
- Remember that the best way to do something, such as giving your partner a blowjob or receiving oral sex from him, is not necessarily the way the porn stars do it. Do the things that your partner enjoys and listen to their body language to let you know if you’re getting it right – don’t just assume you’re doing what your partner likes just because the porn stars did it.
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Having a committed relationship can be challenging, and having a committed relationship over a long distance can be even more difficult. What is the best age for a committed relationship, especially for one over a long distance? Can long distance relationships really work? Here’s how you can give your relationship the best shot at success.
Question: I have a question on long distance relationships. I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 years now and we’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 6 months now. I live in Belgium and she lives in Canada. I’m 18 and she’s 16. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? Do you think we’re too young to have a committed relationship?
–YouTube Viewer
Click here to view the embedded video.
Too Young?
There really isn’t a “set age” for how old you have to be to be in a committed relationship. However, many teens are committing themselves to relationships with their partners before they’re even ready and this can often end in heartbreak. A person’s body – both mentally and physically – really isn’t ready to have a healthy, committed and happy relationship until at least the age of 26 and maybe even 27 or 28. Mentally and emotionally, we’re still growing before then. We’re still trying to figure out who we are and learning how to live in our own skin comfortably, and that can be difficult enough without adding another person to the equation. Getting into a committed relationship before you’re really ready – and have truly accepted yourself and grown into who you are as a person – can seem fine at first but can quickly turn disastrous. While some young people do have successful committed relationships, it is often not without struggle. Before you make a real committment to another person – long distance or not – make sure you’re really ready and don’t take the decision lightly.
Long Distance Relationships
Many people make long distance relationships work, but the most successful of these types of relationships are between two people have made plans to make the long distance part of the relationship a temporary one. Having an indefinite long distance relationship can be extremely difficult, and often doesn’t end well. If you haven’t already, consider making plans – even if that requires one or both of you to make some changes – to be together sometime in the not too distant future. The biggest hurdle you are going to face during a long distance relationship is not having any personal contact with your partner. Even a hug or a kiss makes a big difference in a relationship and goes a long way in making both you and your partner feel loved and valued. To make your long distance relationship work, make sure you and your partner are completely honest with each other. Having open and honest communication with your partner daily or as often as you can is the best way to try and keep your relationship afloat. Any dishonesty or a let down in communication will easily break the threads of the relationship, much more easily than if you and your partner were in a face to face relationship.
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