Is it cheating to go to lunch one on one with a work friend (who is of the opposite sex)?
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idatemarriedmen.com visitor Jane W wants to know:
I have a man I am quite friendly with at work. I invited him out to lunch one day and he said he would like to go but his wife would not like it. He was nervous that someone would think he was having an affair. I viewed it as two people who were friendly at work having lunch, nothing more.
What do you think about married two people of the opposit sex, who are friendly in the office, going out to lunch?
Is it cheating to go to lunch one on one with a work friend (who is of the opposite sex)? help from other idatemarriedmen.com visitors…
As long as they are just having lunch and are totally honest with their significant others, then no it is not cheating. If they are lying about it because they feel guilty, then there might be something more going on under the surface and they should avoid this.
As common as it is in today’s society, it is pushing the healthy boundaries of a happy marriage, and he was right to have reservations about it. He doesn’t know for sure what your intentions are, and his wife, who doesn’t know you at all, certainly doesn’t, not to mention people who would see you in the restaurant and might assume as he said that there was more to the relationship.
Though I have done it in the past, both married and single, I probably wouldn’t do it now without talking to my husband and making sure he were ok with it, and I would expect him to do the same.
It’s an issue of mutual trust and respect in our marriage that I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize.
defenitely NOT! unless theres some flirtation going on…
That’s wrong.
If they are just eating, and paying for their own meal, and make it back to the office in good time, then I don’t think it’s cheating. I do respect this man though for thinking of his wife’s feelings. If it is a small town, or he works near his home and knows that his wife or her friends or family are likely to frequent the same lunch places, then he is right to consider her feelings. Even if it is an innocent lunch between two work colleagues, if someone they know sees just the two of you talking and laughing over lunch, they might jump to conclusions.
It would be 100% better if just one more person came along with you.
Well, I don’t think anything is wrong if it is kept platonic, but on the other hand I would really not like it if my husband went out to lunch with another woman unless I knew her well or unless another man was going with them.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as neither person is lying to their spouse or significant other. I really don’t see the problem with the two of you eating together and sharing conversation during an office lunch. If the two of you are so friendly at work, why not make a double date of it and invite your spouses, so they can meet the two of you and each other?
There’s nothing wrong with it, but I think its great that he is taking his wife’s feelings into consideration.
Why would you want to do that? How would you feel if you were the wife?
I don’t think that you going out to lunch with a married man is a good idea, no matter how innocent your intentions are.
Even if nothing physical happens, a man that becomes emotionally detached from his wife is a threat to his marriage.
You probably weren’t thinking anything like that, but why test it? Do you have any girlfriends you could go to lunch with? Are you married? Could you arrange a double date?
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Would you like your special someone, or especially your husband having lunch with a friend at work of the opposite sex. Your a smart gal, you know that one thing can lead to another.
If it is so innocent why don’t you ask him to invite his wife along, and meet you for lunch?
When you asked him out to lunch, he replied that his wife would not like it, and you felt he was nervous. Well he wasn’t nervous, you misinterpreted his reaction to your invitation. He felt extremely uncomfortable. He was being polite in telling you people might thing your having an affair.
Seems to me that he is a great guy even caring about your feelings, so how much more so should he care about his wife’s feelings.
I personally don’t see it as a big deal but apparently he does… so just let it go. I was very friendly with another manage who happen to be male- and he said the same thing to me. I know he was very religious so I was pretty shocked but maybe he was attracted to me… so it made him feel bad.
my husband wouldnt like it at all if i were to do it
what about you , you dont mind your partner if you have one dining out with other woman in your absence ?
Alas, where does friendship between the sexes and end and adultery begin? All my opposite sex friendships are stale and unsatisfying for this reason. My same sex friendships are kind of distant too. Someone might think we were gay.
I see no problem with it; however, he knows how his wife would react and what consequences he would face at home. I am a divorced female, retired from the Army National Guard and have run into similar situations over the years. Some people (both women and men) are so jealous and insecure in their relationships that they perceive a threat in even the most platonic situations. Continue your workplace friendship and honor the boundaries that have been set.
In general, if it is only lunch and you aren’t discussing personal things then it is not cheating. he should not discuss things with you that he should be discussing with his wife.
Specific to your situation, he is trying to avoid office gossip by not giving the appearance of having an affair. This is a career saver–it avoids accusations of sexual harrassment or sexual favoritism if he is a supervisor or in the position to become supervisor. Also, if he has given his wife reason to doubt him in the past then he is avoiding further problems with her by not starting the office gossip mill working.
Your office friend has given you his response. he will not have lunch with you alone, let it go and make other lunch plans with other people.
It depends on the couple.
My wife and I have both agreed that we will never have lunch/dinner alone with someone of the opposite sex. Naturally, if either of us did – that would involve breaking a serious promise and commitment to each other. (So I entirely sympathise with the man you are talking about, and I admire him for having the strength to say no – regardless of the intentions).
On the other hand, other couples have an understanding where they don’t mind.
Basically, I’d say – respect his choice, and don’t take it personally. But when it comes to your own relationships, then you and your partner will decide together.
I think the guy is over reacting. But he must be really shy and timid. Or whipped. ^^
There actually is no harm in it. The reason hes so timid might be because his wife gets easily jealous, or maybe they are fighting and he doesnt want to anger her more. Co workers of opposite sex go to lunch together everywhere.
He is obviously uncomfortable for some reason that you probably never will find out. It doesnt matter. Give him a little time, then next time, invite him for lunch with some other people from work, in a group he will most likely relax. When your hanging out, make sure you give no signs he could take falsely. People tend to do it subconsciously and confuse the other. If that doesnt work, try talking to him, then just give up on the lunch thing because obviously he’s extremely uncomfortable around you.
no issue with lunch, provided s/o knows about it. It’s when it starts spilling over the dinner and cinema outings and constant texting that I have the problem with.
I am thoroughly disappointed with most of the answers to this question. Just reading them makes me not want to get married. It sounds like everyone is so paranoid. I go out to lunch with different women in the office in a one on one setting all the time. None of them are hesitant or have a feeling of cheating. They also know I am not trying to hit on them or take the relationship further. The fact that everyone is so paranoid is disconcerting. As long as people are honest and open in there relationships, what is there to worry about???
Of course it isn’t an affair :)
I am the ONLY female at my job, if I didn’t eat lunch with my male co-worker(s), I would have to eat lunch alone every day!
It really sounds like this guy has a guilty conscience, perhaps he is cheating on his wife (or thinking about it) with someone else. Either that, or his wife is a super-jealous person.
Let it go, I’m sure there are lots of people at your job would would love to have lunch with you.
I came across this post while dealing with a similar situation. My wife and I have had problems for about 3 months now, we are currently in counseling. I just found out today that my wife has been secretly having lunch with her ex-boss, who she thought was, and I quote “very attractive”. The problem I have with this is that she has not worked at the same company for over a year, she knows I am not comfortable with her meeting him mainly because he is single. She says she doesn’t tell me because I “over react”. I am really not an insecure guy, but given the current health of our relationship, I feel it is inappropriate. She says she is sorry for not telling me, but I honestly do not believe her. I feel betrayed!