Common persistent barriers are identified that create havoc for a couple recovering from an extramarital affair and marital infidelity.

Your relationship has suffered a deep wound. Both of you have a level of commitment to “make it work.” The OP is out of the picture – a least to a large degree.  You know there is a crisis. You know you must “get at” the problem. Now is the time. If you don’t address the crisis NOW, in some way, you know the chances for having a vibrant rich relationship are spiraling downward.  Efforts to “makeover” your relationship demand a fair degree of feeling safe with one another. Often this is not the case.

Barriers to safety need attention before any “makeover,” resolution or joint decision making can occur. Often you are not aware of the specifics of the barriers. Or, you have a difficult time addressing them.  The barriers or walls sit in the background casting their debilitating shadows.  Your intentions may be pure. But, once you face each other, the barriers quickly squelch the hope for any positive outcome. In reality you think, “Here we go again. The same-o-same-o.” You feel defeated. Read More→

‘Why do men cheat?’, a question that has been raised since generations and still, the answer is infinite and indefinite. The reasons are vague and the causes are many, but it is always the woman who is affected. Read on to find out a few of those answers.

Some men cheat intentionally, while some do it due to wrong influences or overwhelming feelings. The reasons for the causes are varied and differ from man to man. Infidelity has become a torture for the women who want their men to belong solely to them. The worst part about unfaithfulness is that, you may never know the reason for it and even if you find out, many times they are unacceptable.

The most difficult thing about this issue is, to find out whether your man is cheating you or not. In fact, it is observed that most men who cheat and do not want to get caught, keep their wives very happy and do not give her a chance to complain. But of course, this may not be true for all men; so ladies please do not start doubting your husband or boyfriend just on this one basis. Also, sometimes women tend to take a simple relationship of friendship of the man with any of his female friend, in a wrong sense.

There are several reasons for why do men cheat on women. But many surveys have found out that the main reason for infidelity in case of men is sex. Whatever may be the cause for unsatisfactoriness, men try to comfort themselves by indulging in sexual activities.

Basically, there are different types of infidelities that are seen and they vary with respect to the time factor. The shortest type is the famous ‘one-night stands/caps’. These last only for a single night and does not include any emotional ties. A level higher than this are the extramarital affairs, wherein the cheating man continues to be with his wife and has a mistress outside. In this case, the husbands try to hide the external relationship from his family. He may or may not get emotionally involved in the outside affair. If the involvement is limited then he may leave the mistress rather than giving up his family. However, if the involvement outside is greater, he may separate from the family which is the worst type of infidelity. Read More→

When your trust in your spouse is shattered because of another woman, what do you do?

A very good friend of mine – let me call her Shirley – told me that the day she found out that her husband was cheating on her and having an affair with a colleague, was the worst day of her life, “I’ve had other shocks,” she told me soberly. “My younger brother dropped dead of a heart attack one day – when he was just 29. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer when she had had absolutely no symptoms. And I came to work one day and found a pink dismissal slip on my desk when I had been given the Employee of the Year award, just 6 months earlier. But this was the worst shock.

“The other happenings caused me great torment, but I could blame them on fate. After all, health isn’t in our hands and our company was doing very badly at that time. But my husband’s affair was a personal betrayal. It was a rejection of me at the most personal level.” The photographs sent by a “friend who cares for you” had been a bolt from the blue because Shirley’s hubby, Paul, had been – or had seemed to have been – as caring and affectionate as ever, at the time.

But in Cathy’s case, she had suspected that something was wrong for some time, before she caught her husband David in a movie hall – with the daughter of a family friend when he should have been at office.

“David had been distant and indifferent for some time. Besides, I knew that he had been involved with this girl before she migrated to New Zealand and that she had come back after her marriage broke up. But perhaps I remained in denial because I can’t describe how shocked and broken I felt when I saw him with her.” For both Shirley and Cathy, the traumatic discovery brought anguish and stress. “The stress was because I not only had to deal with the betrayal of my husband being intimate with another woman, but I also had to maintain a facade of normalcy – for the sake of the kids and the rest of the family,” explained Shirley. Read More→

Many women are suspicious of their men, but don’t know how to spot a cheating man because they don’t know what to look for. There are a surprising amount of signs that you can look out for, here are five of them.
It is a devastating moment for any woman when she realizes that her husband is cheating on her. This will be an unexpected and bitter shock for most women. When you first get married you believe that all marriages are built on a foundation of honesty, it can be unbearable to even think that your partner is cheating on you with another woman.

Depending on the type of husband you have married there can be many signs that he is cheating on you. Some of these are subtle and some of them are more obvious. If you suspect that your husband is being unfaithful on you with another woman it is important that you recognize the many signs of adultery and take the measures you feel are necessary.

Below I have listed five signs that you should look out for, it is important to you to remember they should take note of any change in your husband’s behavior, which may mean that he is cheating on you. Read More→

It’s hard to forgive a cheating spouse since a marital infidelity is without a doubt the definitive act of betrayal in a relationship. An extramarital affair destroys the essential bond that holds marriages together.
After countless denials even after being presented with the evidence, your spouse finally admits they have been cheating on you. Then come the mind games. You are the reason they went looking for love in all the wrong places. If only you had made the extra effort to understand their desires and needs. You inform them that you did make the extra effort and tried everything within your power to converse and keep the lines of communication open; the problem is they never reciprocated.

Then sooner or later they reach for one of the oldest tricks in the marriage infidelity book. Whether the affair happened a year, a month or one hour ago, the cheating spouse now resorts to the hurt victim routine. “Okay it happened, it’s over. How long are you going to hold it against me? Can’t we just forget it and move on? You know how I feel about you.”

Their maybe a different variation on these quotes and the time frame may even extend to years since the extramarital affair took place but what that statement makes crystal clear is they still don’t get it.
Read More→

Often times the reasons a spouse carries on an extramarital affair has nothing to do with the status of their current relationship. For many a cheating spouse it comes down to the joy of living on the edge.

In 1977 Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to successfully scale Mt Everest, had this to say about climbing, “I’ve always hated the danger part of climbing, and it’s great to come down again because it’s safe.” He continued, “It’s the intense effort, the giving of everything you’ve got. It’s really a very pleasant sensation.” Many a cheating spouse would agree with Sir Edmund on the intense effort and the giving of everything they’ve got. As for being of the same mindset when it comes to hating the danger? Probably not.

Whether it’s inherent or an acquired taste, there seems to something in our DNA that excites us when it comes to danger. It’s not that you necessarily want to cross the line into out and out recklessness but to be at risk in certain circumstances can be a rush. That includes carrying on an extramarital affair. Sure they should be sharing all this excitement with their significant other. Instead having a spouse serves as the perfect springboard for them to jump headfirst into the deep end of the infidelity pool. They have no ideal whether they will sink to the bottom or break to the surface like a dolphin on caffeine but one thing is for sure. They are going to enjoy the moment.

For a number of cheating spouses it comes down to: Read More→

Any relationship is bound to have its share of arguments. That’s life. However when one spouse is cheating, these arguments can sometimes increase in frequency and intensity. There maybe a couple of reasons for this.
Every marriage contains its share of ups and downs. Let’s face it. Two people living under the same roof sharing and learning the most intimate details about each other often takes superhuman effort. Whether both personalities are strong or one is more dominant than the other is beside the point. Constant contact has the ability to create an environment that in one minute is love personified and in the next tension filled to the point of unbearable.

This means that more than likely there is a good “healthy” dosage of arguing with the relationship. Of course this can cover anything from mundane household chores, the current economic state of the family or who left the jelly out all night. The list as you probably already know is almost limitless. But when it comes to a cheating spouse, that healthy dosage can quickly turn into an overdose. Now it seems like no matter what the discussion or circumstances here comes another argument. You have always accepted the fact that your relationship has enjoyed or endured a certain amount of back and forth but it has gotten to the point of ridiculous and understandably it is wearing you out.

So why all the anger from a cheating spouse? A couple of possibilities may provide the answer. Read More→